Dear Writer’s Block,

I know we’ve been together for a long time and I know that you’re supremely happy with the state of our relationship. However, there are some things that have been on my mind for a while, and I really need to get them off my chest.
I think we need to go our separate ways.
Yes, we’ve been companions since I was very young, and yes, we’ve gotten extremely close in the last 6 months, but I have to tell you… you’re smothering me. I feel like I can’t be myself around you, that I can’t get away from you, and that you’re trying to control every part of my life. Now that your possessive behavior is actually threatening my welfare, and quite possibly my livelihood, I can no longer stand being the passive partner in this relationship.
I know you were there whenever I needed an excuse to put off a research paper until the last minute, but I also know that you’ve been sleeping with Procrastination, having “coffee breaks” with Laziness, and just generally whoring yourself out to most of the people I know. One time my sister even called me and told me that you were bothering her, and just last month you made no attempt to hide your infatuation with my roommates. Really, Writer’s Block? My sister AND my roommates?
Not only have you been seeing other people, but any time I want to visit Danny and Rick and Kirby, you always feel the need to tag along and prevent us from being productive. And don’t even get me started on Patrick and Donald. I know you’ve hated them for a long time, but I miss them fervently and would love to see them again – something you would never allow me to do. Remember Anthony Derrick? Yes, I’ve been thinking about him. I think about him at least once a week. You can’t make me forget about him. His story needs to be told, and you’re not going to stop me from telling it.
I need to grow, Writer’s Block. I need to be responsible. I need to push myself to try new things – to take steps toward my career – and I can’t do that with you constantly dragging me down.
I probably shouldn’t mention this, but I’ve already been propositioned by Creativity and Initiative. I love them both, much, much more than I ever loved you, and I know they will take me places you never could. You never took me anywhere, Writer’s Block, and a girl can’t live like that.
Please do not respond to this letter. I would much rather forget about our past and move on. I won’t be waiting for you the next time I sit down with Kirby. You won’t be invited to my apartment next semester. I’m telling Jennie not to let you in, no matter how much you beg.
I’m moving on. I suggest you do the same.

Sincerely,
Sarah